I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
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This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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