I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
