Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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