I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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