Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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