i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
false alarm, still single
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
