My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
