is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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