I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
