Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
