So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
