it was like his penis was on wheels.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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