Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
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