ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
