He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
