Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
