i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
sarcasm needs its own font
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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