how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Randomize
