i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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