Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
