I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Randomize
