My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
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I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
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...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
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