i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
