You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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