Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
