im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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