im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
And then my night got REAL pukey
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
