I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Randomize
