he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
she pinky promised me she was 18
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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