So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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