Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
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