Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
it's like iHOP with fire
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
