You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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