Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
