So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
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