just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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