I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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