and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
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I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
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i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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