They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
