Do you still have your period?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
