sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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