don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
