Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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