hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
