That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
