I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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