I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
