I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
