so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
