i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
