Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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