Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
It's like God shit irony all over that family
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize