things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
