if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
