You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
