I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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