I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So vagazzling was a success
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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