Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
