OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow