Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
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She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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