then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?