i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great