you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
