I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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