Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
